"To love deeply in one direction makes us more loving in all others. "
By Anne-Sophie Swetchine
"To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead. "
By Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970), Marriage and Morals (1929) ch. 19
Monday, June 11, 2007
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
You are nothing but a PIG
If you are a pig, just act like one don’t act and imitate humans and ask other humans to bond with and like you….because no matter what the pig in you will always rise up!
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
A thought
If everyone forgets what will I gain if I kept remembering, I will just have to pretend that I forgot, hopefully one day I will be able to really forget.
You gave up one yourself and on us because you want to lie….and now in our so called friendship I have to trust you and believe you…and oh yes….in the middle of the that I have to keep my sanity.
Once a person get hurt, it will mark forever not true that time heals everything……time just makes it a distant bad memory.
Couple of days ago I was thinking about how people react when they get hurt, I kind of thought of just 2 types and had those funny cynical metaphors about it:
- People who believe in revenge or people who can live with a grudge I imagine their wounds like volcano areas! It just kept bursting lava and the lava keeps aggravating the land around the volcano. This kind of people will need an ice age to put down their anger and put down their volcano. But keep in mind as lava damages the land around the volcano when this lava dries it leaves a fertile more solid ground yet it gets weakened in the next explosion.
- People who doesn’t believe in revenge who can’t handle going on in their life with negative energy, they try all the time and with all the energy they got in them to heal up….but since this kind of people is somehow pure and transparent their wounds are deeper than anyone can imagine so they struggle! They get stuck in the middle they are desperate to get rid of this negative energy because it is suffocating them but on the other hand their wound is not giving them this luxury. They try; they fight really hard and after considerable time the wound make a superficial crust just to have some temporary peace. The fact is every time you see or deal with the person who caused this hurt, this wound will just burn underneath this crust, wounds that deep never ever heals…………..
You gave up one yourself and on us because you want to lie….and now in our so called friendship I have to trust you and believe you…and oh yes….in the middle of the that I have to keep my sanity.
Once a person get hurt, it will mark forever not true that time heals everything……time just makes it a distant bad memory.
Couple of days ago I was thinking about how people react when they get hurt, I kind of thought of just 2 types and had those funny cynical metaphors about it:
- People who believe in revenge or people who can live with a grudge I imagine their wounds like volcano areas! It just kept bursting lava and the lava keeps aggravating the land around the volcano. This kind of people will need an ice age to put down their anger and put down their volcano. But keep in mind as lava damages the land around the volcano when this lava dries it leaves a fertile more solid ground yet it gets weakened in the next explosion.
- People who doesn’t believe in revenge who can’t handle going on in their life with negative energy, they try all the time and with all the energy they got in them to heal up….but since this kind of people is somehow pure and transparent their wounds are deeper than anyone can imagine so they struggle! They get stuck in the middle they are desperate to get rid of this negative energy because it is suffocating them but on the other hand their wound is not giving them this luxury. They try; they fight really hard and after considerable time the wound make a superficial crust just to have some temporary peace. The fact is every time you see or deal with the person who caused this hurt, this wound will just burn underneath this crust, wounds that deep never ever heals…………..
Friday, March 23, 2007
I am rambling
I hate spring, it is obvious why I do; all those sand storms and bad weather. I am allergic to dust so you can imagine my state in such weather. I didn’t work since almost 10 days, I mean I wake up and go everyday to work but things are incredibly slow at work I have almost nothing to do and this isn’t the right period to be that un-occupied.
I didn’t go to the movies since quite some time now, I didn’t jog since 10 days also (don’t know what is the secret of the last 10 days) jogging in the street around a park or something like that in Cairo is really health destructive specially in this weather, I feel I am collecting pollution and toxics every time I do it people are supposed to jog to maintain a good health I feel by doing that I am deteriorating my respiratory system!
I know I should go to a gym (I have been saying that to myself since 6 months now)I just I am afraid that a gym will add more pressure on me (yeah I became that fragile!) coz for sure I know I will drop it half of the time and I will feel bad about it…. I want to keep my life as busy as possible but all I can think about it are solo activities and no matter what i do studying and going to gym won’t make me feel fulfilled so I just keep delaying it and say to myself…well I am not going anywhere it won’t make a difference if I do it now or later.
Since I saw Grey’s Anatomy for the first time a month or so ago and I just can’t stop thinking about it, full credit to everyone working in this series , for the outstanding human feelings and emotions displayed in it. When she found out he is married and she had to back off and let him go, the whole episode she was thinking when was the last time she kissed him, oh my god what a detail, the last scene in the episode when he was at her door step and he was leaving and she asked him….when was the last time we kissed I can’t remember…..the stare in their eyes the way he remembered and answered her…..that scene just broke my heart.
When I look around and observe couples….people who are in love with each other hurt each other the most and in an amazing ironic cynical cruel brutal way they are incredibly nice with everyone else except with each other!!!!!!!!! WHY WHY WHY? I never got this instance of stupidity that humans have why if I am in love with someone I’d just do everything possible to appreciate and make that person happy, why people in love expect that who loves them should take the worst part of them just because they love them…..why everything has to be taken for granted!
Not just couple do that parents also, they take their children for granted and most of the time they think, they are our children what will happen ya3ny they won’t love us anymore we gave them birth ….DA!
Stupid feelings I’d list it at the top of the most lethal weapons that man kind has ever created.
May Allah forgive us all for what we do to each other.
I didn’t go to the movies since quite some time now, I didn’t jog since 10 days also (don’t know what is the secret of the last 10 days) jogging in the street around a park or something like that in Cairo is really health destructive specially in this weather, I feel I am collecting pollution and toxics every time I do it people are supposed to jog to maintain a good health I feel by doing that I am deteriorating my respiratory system!
I know I should go to a gym (I have been saying that to myself since 6 months now)I just I am afraid that a gym will add more pressure on me (yeah I became that fragile!) coz for sure I know I will drop it half of the time and I will feel bad about it…. I want to keep my life as busy as possible but all I can think about it are solo activities and no matter what i do studying and going to gym won’t make me feel fulfilled so I just keep delaying it and say to myself…well I am not going anywhere it won’t make a difference if I do it now or later.
Since I saw Grey’s Anatomy for the first time a month or so ago and I just can’t stop thinking about it, full credit to everyone working in this series , for the outstanding human feelings and emotions displayed in it. When she found out he is married and she had to back off and let him go, the whole episode she was thinking when was the last time she kissed him, oh my god what a detail, the last scene in the episode when he was at her door step and he was leaving and she asked him….when was the last time we kissed I can’t remember…..the stare in their eyes the way he remembered and answered her…..that scene just broke my heart.
When I look around and observe couples….people who are in love with each other hurt each other the most and in an amazing ironic cynical cruel brutal way they are incredibly nice with everyone else except with each other!!!!!!!!! WHY WHY WHY? I never got this instance of stupidity that humans have why if I am in love with someone I’d just do everything possible to appreciate and make that person happy, why people in love expect that who loves them should take the worst part of them just because they love them…..why everything has to be taken for granted!
Not just couple do that parents also, they take their children for granted and most of the time they think, they are our children what will happen ya3ny they won’t love us anymore we gave them birth ….DA!
Stupid feelings I’d list it at the top of the most lethal weapons that man kind has ever created.
May Allah forgive us all for what we do to each other.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
I need Oxygen
I won’t say that this is a bad period…..a period have a start and end point….so far it didn’t end………and I don’t know when or how will it end….changes are a must to my life….I just….to be honest I lack some courage and guts……I can’t stop remembering when I was younger I was way much tougher and sharper….I don’t know what is happening to me….why I became so soft this vulnerability that is killing me……..what is going with on with me…..am I disappointed of myself and I am denying it? Did I compromise? I was brought up to be as selfish as possible and I was a kid I noticed that people really hates me because I am very selfish and I don’t give a damn about anyone else but me……in a way or another although I was very young I knew that this is very ugly, abnormal ,freaky and I will end up alone if I continued to grow up like this….so I started to change myself as years went by and I made it……I think about the interest and the well being of everyone I care for before I do for me……it takes a lot of my time, energy, and emotions…….what is very ironic…..i transformed myself from an extreme to another…..from a very selfish self-centered always taking not giving anything back ….to the opposite the absolute one….i did that first to be a better person second to be able to connect and bond with people………..result I am alone feeling neglected frustrated from people at all levels….family friendship and love…..Again is it me….Am I too much?
Monday, March 05, 2007
Sick....or Something like that
I am very sensitive and I am very sick of it………even when I fall madly in love with someone I fall with the most selfish person on the planet……… I am really really sick of it….sick of my weakness, of my hunger and my incredible need of love, care and compassion……. Is it the solution to replace my heart with void stone glass steal or anything non-human to survive….. or am I too much and I am over reacting…………am I that un-lucky with people or it is me who is completely un-fair to people and I have impossible idealistic standards……….i am a great person everyone already acknowledged that so what is the problem is it confusion is it no self esteem no I like myself very much and I am very pleased with myself….this amazing continuous disappointment of people where does it come from….do I have a sick mind do I enjoy being a victim…..NO NO NO I am not like that…..I am sick of reconciling myself…I am sick of paying too much attention to people’s feelings while they just consider themselves human if they forget about me or don’t take care of me…..i am sick of not being able to cry when I want to…………i just want be happy fulfilled and ……………….loved………and no it shouldn’t be not news to me anymore…………it is extremely too much to ask…………
Sunday, August 13, 2006
I am not dead and i was never a quitter!!
I have chosen the nickname Breath coz in real life I always feel that I am running out of oxygen it is true in real life I don't have this space....Where you can be by yourself and just be happy and relaxed about being with yourself, in real life I am by myself holding my breath just to avoid people's insanity and un-sensibility.
And unfortunately here also I wasn't able to breath, nothing can compensate the real life peace, but that doesn't mean I am going to give up on here....This is why I came back and starting writing again ( or let us say crapping I am convinced that I am a crappy writer not connected to my feelings at all :( )
And guys come on don't ask me about about real peace with the significant other.....People wake up..I said real life not ferry tales land...There is no significant other for me in all human beings relations aspects:)
till next time
And unfortunately here also I wasn't able to breath, nothing can compensate the real life peace, but that doesn't mean I am going to give up on here....This is why I came back and starting writing again ( or let us say crapping I am convinced that I am a crappy writer not connected to my feelings at all :( )
And guys come on don't ask me about about real peace with the significant other.....People wake up..I said real life not ferry tales land...There is no significant other for me in all human beings relations aspects:)
till next time
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