I need Oxygen

I won’t say that this is a bad period…..a period have a start and end point….so far it didn’t end………and I don’t know when or how will it end….changes are a must to my life….I just….to be honest I lack some courage and guts……I can’t stop remembering when I was younger I was way much tougher and sharper….I don’t know what is happening to me….why I became so soft this vulnerability that is killing me……..what is going with on with me…..am I disappointed of myself and I am denying it? Did I compromise? I was brought up to be as selfish as possible and I was a kid I noticed that people really hates me because I am very selfish and I don’t give a damn about anyone else but me……in a way or another although I was very young I knew that this is very ugly, abnormal ,freaky and I will end up alone if I continued to grow up like this….so I started to change myself as years went by and I made it……I think about the interest and the well being of everyone I care for before I do for me……it takes a lot of my time, energy, and emotions…….what is very ironic…..i transformed myself from an extreme to another…..from a very selfish self-centered always taking not giving anything back ….to the opposite the absolute one….i did that first to be a better person second to be able to connect and bond with people………..result I am alone feeling neglected frustrated from people at all levels….family friendship and love…..Again is it me….Am I too much?